You can take a horse...

I was at an AA meeting once where the speaker said 'you can take a horse to water, but you can't stop it from drinking', which still today tickles me pink. If you want mixed metaphors [not that this is one] an AA meeting is rich ground, but what so amuses me about this one is the irony. So usually you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. However, when you are dealing with addicted horses there is nothing you can do to stop it from drinking. And that is true. As the loved one of an addict we are pretty much powerless. Yes, there are things that may help [like a clinic], but there is no guarantee. As an addict myself [and I use this term in a broad sense] I know that one thing that did help was the refusal of my then husband to be silent. As an addict I am in denial and I found his observations on my state extremely uncomfortable. Now this is an absolutely personal belief and I have not investigated if it can be empirically substantiated, but I believe that one thing that we can do for the addict we love is not be resigned. Silence condones. Having everyone turn a blind eye makes it easier to continue using. I am not talking about nagging or shaming, but about maintaining a position - "your drinking/using/gambling is not ok with me". It is happening and I am not going to pretend otherwise. I see this as planting the seed. 

In the words of the immortal Churchill 'Nevha, nevah, nevah give up"

Just a note here; I am absolutely in favour of addiction clinics and am not in any way suggesting that you don't do your utmost to get your addicted loved one into a clinic.